What Twitter Taught Me About the Light and Dark of Social Media

I Started Twitter After the Earthquake

I live in an area of Tohoku hit by the 2011 disaster. I was a university student when it struck. I couldn't reach people by email or LINE, and a senior from my high-school club recommended Twitter for gathering information, so I made an account.

At first I used it only to read useful information, but I don't think I used it well; I didn't really manage to gather information about the disaster. Before long, followers among my friends increased, I started tweeting about everyday life, and I always read my friends' silly tweets in my free time.

Twitter Gave Me a Sense of Fulfilment

As I got used to Twitter, I gained followers connected through hobbies — people I'd never have met otherwise. I love music, so I'd reply back and forth about my favourite artists and enjoy reading tweets while watching live streams together in real time. At festivals I'd contact people I'd met on Twitter, meet up and raise a glass together. With friends, too, I enjoyed live commentary on TV and replying to silly tweets.

At the time I thought it was the best tool for connecting through what you love, and I used it more than anything. Time connected with friends who shared my hobbies felt meaningful and fulfilling.

At the same time, whenever I had a spare moment, opening Twitter to check friends' and followers' tweets became a daily habit — even putting off things I wanted to do.

When It Began to Threaten My Life and Mind

I used Twitter with good intentions. But I came to realize my heart was tired from the constant stream of friends' and hobby friends' daily tweets. I started tweeting about stress at work, probably making readers uncomfortable. I often felt jealous or envious of my friends' lives.

Then a dear friend fell into depression. Seeing her tweets, I desperately kept replying, wanting her to get back to her old self. Looking back, I realize constant encouragement wasn't good for someone who was depressed. But when she replied even a little positively, I could believe I'd helped a bit, so I kept trying desperately. Yet each time she seemed to recover, she'd slip back to square one.

In the end I burned out and became depressed myself. I wanted to step away from Twitter and close my account, but it felt like cutting ties with friends, and I feared losing information, so I couldn't.

Finding Myself, and a Way to Deal with Social Media

Twitter and Instagram aren't read only by me, so what I post isn't truly from the heart. I think I tweet while worrying, at least a little, about how others see me — showing off, or wondering whether a phrasing will draw criticism. Doing that, I realize it isn't the real me, and I get down and feel suffocated.

I Still Can't Quit Twitter

I still haven't managed to quit. In fact, to escape Twitter I made an Instagram account, thinking “photos will be fine” — and made the same mistake. But I understand myself better than before, so even if I can't delete my accounts, I've deleted the apps so I can't log in easily, and when I'm tired I close them, shut my eyes and spend time in silence.

I Decided to Keep a Little Distance from Social Media

Lately I've been longing for nature: going to the mountains and riverbanks to heal, and getting deeply into camping. I can make time to be my natural self, feeling that I don't care about myself or others.

I think my husband and I first got in touch on Twitter, but he has quit it, and even though I've stepped back a little, I haven't lost friends. Above all, I'm surprised to find that, immersed in what I love without worrying about others, I haven't touched my phone for ages — and I feel happy being able to treasure time with my family.

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